I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
