maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
