i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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