Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
