I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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