i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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