they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
