Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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