are you still at the devil's house?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
