I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Randomize
