Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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