I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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