when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
