i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
