Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
