Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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