The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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