You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
