fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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