The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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