you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
