I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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