It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
