You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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