Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
