For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
