you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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