proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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