Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
