I am spending my child support on dildos
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
