we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
