i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
