she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
