my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
