I could make wine with my vomit
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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