I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
