So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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