is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
