Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
