No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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