Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Randomize
