rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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