and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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