you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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