i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
