So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
honey bunches of taint.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
