I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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