smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
