I want to have your abortion
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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