If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
